Got a toddler who just won’t listen? You’re not alone! It can be so frustrating, and trust me, we’ve all been there wanting to pull our hair out. But believe it or not, it’s actually a good sign—toddlers asserting themselves is a normal part of development. They’re still figuring out the world, so things like social cues and risk don’t always make sense to them yet. Plus, their impulse control is still developing, so waiting or resisting temptation can feel impossible to their little brains.
But this doesn’t mean we need to resort to traditional disciplinarian methods and use scare tactics, yelling, or punishment to make our children listen. Punishing a child will not teach them about why their actions are wrong or what the consequences are.
Related: Surviving the Terrible Twos: 8 Ways to Tame Tantrums
Here are 5 phrases to use when your toddler won’t listen.
“Let’s take a deep breath.”
If your toddler won’t listen, try showing them how to take deep breaths. Start by taking a few deep breaths yourself, and once they see what you’re doing, encourage them to join in. As they start to calm down, they’ll be more relaxed and better able to focus on what you’re asking them to do.
“It’s OK to feel that way, but it’s not OK to…”
When your toddler won’t listen, setting boundaries can feel like a challenge, but it’s all about helping them understand what’s okay and what’s not. For example, you can say, “It’s totally fine to feel angry, but it’s not okay to throw our toys.” The key is to explain not just what they shouldn’t do, but also offer them an alternative. For instance, suggest, “If you’re upset, you can use your words or come ask me for a hug.” This way, they’ll start learning how to handle big emotions without acting out.
“I’m going to wait for you to calm down.”
If no amount of talking and trying to calm down your child will help, it’s best to just take a step back and let your child calm down on their own. Sometimes all they need is a little space and some time to themselves.
“Let’s be kind and gentle.”
It’s easy to tell our toddlers to “stop hitting” or “stop throwing,” but when your toddler won’t listen, it might help to show them what you mean. If you want your little one to be gentle, like around a baby, try showing them what a gentle touch looks like. Sometimes, seeing is understanding!
“Please use your words.”
Asking your children to use their words instead of whining, crying, or pointing encourages them to express themselves. Use a calm tone when asking your child to use their words. Your tone of voice is the key to keeping things under control.
There will be times when nothing will work. Your toddler may not know how to change the situation and calm down, but they will always need reassurance that things will be okay. The number one phrase you can say to your child is “I love you”.
What phrases do you use when your toddler doesn’t want to listen? Let me know in the comments.
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